The Motherhood

Zero Time = Zero F*cks Given

I’m 31 years of age. I’m tired and I’m hungry 78% of the time. I run from one persons demand to another. Someone wants a drink, someone needs a nappy change, someone wants me to watch them dive bomb from the sofa like “a freaking ninja”. I have three days of washing up to do, the cat has pissed somewhere in the living room and I’ve got to track it down. There are emails to read and forget to respond to later, the baby has been sick again and hasn’t had a bath all week.

My every thought is focused on the next thing: must cook dinner, must order online food shop, must RSVP to kids birthday party, must wash uniform, must do bloody tummy time.  Ugh, tummy time with a baby who a) seems to think its a method of torture and b) projectile vomits everytime we try…  Honestly Niamh, I am not trying to kill you I promise.

…someone wants me to watch them dive bomb from the sofa like “a freaking ninja”.

Whilst this is all terribly exhausting and probably going to bump me off sooner than planned – one good thing has come out of it. It’s a simple equation, a life balance that I like to call:

zero time = zero fucks given

It basically means that when you are running around like a headless chicken, you just don’t have time to   sweat the small stuff  give a goddamned shit about anything else. So anything that is not vital to survival, that is not life or death falls by the wayside. It’s a way of sorting out your priorities through natural selection. You don’t have to make hard choices, it’s all done for you – by the ongoing insanity that is your life.

Here are the things that I give less fucks about since I became a slave to everyone I live with:

  • Wearing make-up
  • Eating breakfast and/ or lunch
  • Blow drying my hair
  • Idle gossip – please only stop me for really good, mega gossip
  • Getting my eyebrows waxed
  • Ironingwho am I kidding? I gave no shits about ironing before I had kids
  • Responding to text messages – I’m currently averaging a 4 day response time
  • First World ProblemsI’m sorry but I don’t have much time for your worries about which Thomas Cook holiday to book. Unless you are dying right now this very minute or your arm has fallen off, please move the fuck along.
  • Having Actual Conversations mostly I communicate with my husband via Whatsapp or by shouting keywords at him over the siren that is our screaming baby. I don’t think we’ve used proper sentences for months. 
  • Remembering Stuffif I don’t write it down, if it’s not on the calendar or an alarm set on my phone I will not remember. I am juggling so many balls, inevitably one or two are getting dropped.

I hope you found this article about life balance incredibly useful 😉

You may also enjoy...


  1. Really true! I typically don’t manage to clean my hair for day. Well perhaps even a week!

  2. I am with you on this, there is not enough time to give two hoots about anything else really, my mind is always thinking what’s next…..I guess that’s just part of being a Mum. Thanks for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

  3. I never did tummy time with any of my 3 because they all hated it so much. They turned out ok. I have never ironed. Anything. I have never blow dried my hair. Perhaps it shows… #bloggerclubuk

  4. Hahaha! Love this! You’re my kind of Mama! #fortheloveofblog

  5. This really made me laugh, a great post that perfectly sums up being a mum and a woman and a chef and a wife and and and and and…


  6. Very true! I sometimes don’t manage to wash my hair for days…well maybe even a week! I often forget breakfast and occasionally ill forget lunch too then binge on crisps and biscuits with a coffee!

  7. “the ongoing insanity that is your life” – clearly you have been spying on our house! So glad it’s not just us.

  8. Haha! This is so true! I stopped giving a f**k about the little things after I had the little ones. Sometimes there are better things to be getting on with 🙂

    Thanks for sharing with #MMBC x

  9. Hi Sarah, that sounds about right for those early/ middle/ late years… I’d love to tell you that things get easier, they do change though… Carry on not caring less and you’ll survive, start caring about the small stuff and you’re a goner!

    Thank you for linking up with the #MMBC.


  10. You decide very quickly what to save those fucks for after kids. I still wear makeup but serious housework … Nah! 🙂

  11. hehehe! This did make me chuckle….
    Yep I care a lot less about the trivial things since having kids. Before kids I used to wear make up every day now it’s once in a blue moon. lol

  12. Oh my gosh – so accurate! We are (thank god!) past the screaming baby stage, but I never got back to giving any f*cks about any of those things on your list. Sometimes I miss eating 3 meals a day, but you adapt…

Leave a Reply