I Don’t Mind That My Three Year Old Isn’t Potty Trained, So Why Do You?

Our son turned three this month and he is not potty trained. For some people, this is quite a big deal. For us, for him – it just isn’t.

Whilst he has used a potty over the last six months and been reasonably chilled about it, we have never done full on potty training with him. Why? Because we know our son, and we know whats best for him.

They say you’ll know when they’re ready. And we do, that time is now. Not a year ago, not six months ago, not at the start of the Summer, now.

I’m sure lots of children were potty trained by the time they were two years old, certainly before their third birthday. I’m sure lots of babies slept through the night from birth. I’m sure lots of children said their first word sooner than others or were walking before their first birthday.

I’m sure of all these things but I don’t care about them. I’m sure you say I’m a lazy parent but I don’t care much for that either.

I’m sure about my child and I don’t participate in that competitive parenting game, I have nothing to prove.

We are not bothered if he’s a bit behind.  We are not bothered if he’s a bit ahead.

Perhaps you think we let him run riot. Perhaps sometimes we do.

It’s the key as to why he’s so happy and loving and has such a cracking personality.

You see, we are in no rush to create anxiety or stress within him, over something so trivial as taking a shit.

I have suffered with severe anxiety, I am so mindful of his mental health, I hold it as highly as his physical health and certainly above any academic or developmental achievements.

Our goal with him is to raise a confident, kind, easy going human being.

It’s not to raise a kid, who can successfully shit in a plastic box quicker than his peers.

Life is bigger than that.

I don’t mind that my three year old isn’t potty trained, so why do you?

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35 Comments

  1. […] this time last year I wrote a post about how we had not yet potty trained our three year old. It was a post that I was particularly anxious about writing because I had been […]

  2. […] times in the past – they love a hint of controversy don’t they? I remember my post about a three year old Finley not yet being potty trained was picked up last year as well. They love a good rant but then so do […]

  3. Thanks for posting this. Our youngest turned 3 in October, and she isn’t fully potty trained. I just think it’s best to let her progress at her own pace rather than forcing the issue.

  4. My daughter is almost 3 and not potty trained yet and I get asked a lot of questions about it. But the truth is, she just wasn’t ready. And I’m okay with that. Thanks for sharing this post.

  5. […] I wrote this  post : I Don’t Mind That My Three Year Old isn’t Potty Trained, So Why Do You?, it contained several instances of the word ‘shit’. It got picked up my Mumsnet as Blog […]

  6. Talking About Clean Bottoms With Andrex® – Admissions Of A Working Mother says:

    […] I’ve had only one single poop your pants incident and that’s been it! There has been a lot of proof in my pudding with regards to the article I wrote, the one about waiting and being certain that your child is ready. […]

  7. Too bloody right!! We’re 2.3 -and not showing any signs of wanting to potty train. He does about 5 poos a day so it’s going to be a right shit storm when it is time. #stayclassymama

  8. Hear hear! They all do things at different times and your son is clever and funny and eloquent and sociable (going from the Olympics cooking vid) and a whole load of other things that matter a lot more than potties. #StayClassyMama

  9. This could be on everything – I don’t give a toss how you gave birth, I don’t care if you breast feed, couldn’t care less if your kid is in daycare….everyone needs to butt out and mind their own business. #Stayclassymama

  10. Love this – only you know what is best for your child! I know people who trained their child when they were two and it took months and months I trained my eldest a month before she was 3 it took a couple of days. This worked best for us – each to their own. #coolmumclub

  11. alisonlonghurst says:

    Why should anyone else mind? People just love getting involved in other people’s shit don’t they? I’m so glad you are rising above it. Alison x #stayclassymama

  12. Good for you! It’s always other people that have an issue with it isn’t it? Namely my mother in law, ha! My youngest daughter was three before she potty trained and I had all kinds of comments about whether I was concerned or not. In the end she took off her nappy one day and it never went back on, she was just ready which is the most important thing!! #stayclassymama

  13. Heeellll yeah. It’s no one’s place to judge what your kid is or isn’t doing. They do things in their own time and their own pace, and you know them better than anyone else. #stayclassymama

  14. Mums know best!!! Love this post! #stayclassymama

  15. Good for you standing your ground. You know your child best. I don’t like to judge people at all but sometimes I wonder if people are potty training too early. But at the end of the day it’s what works for the child.

    Great post!

    #StayClassyMama

  16. No two children are the same, they all do things in their own time. As you say you know your child best – really great post!

    #stayclassymama

  17. #StayClassyMama. You go girl! I couldn’t. Agree with you more. No point making the kids anxious about taking a shit. It will happen when they are ready.

  18. My first was a peice of cake to potty train- the second was almost three but super compliant when it came to trying. The twins are so far from even starting I dont know where to begin. You have to be potty trained by three to start preschool here. If that wasnt the case I don’t think I would give a hoot though.

    #stayclassymama

  19. “I have nothing to prove” – precisely! Do what works for you and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty xx #stayclassymama

  20. This! A pushy relative of mine kept insisting we should train my son to pee standing up, before he had even transitioned from potty to toilet, I knew he wasn’t ready and kept telling them so. Fast forward to a few weeks ago he called me into the bathroom to show me that he was peeing standing up, which he had taught himself! (admittedly after seeing daddy do it) So he did it when he was ready all by himself, as they should! xx #stayclassmama

  21. shinnersandthebrood says:

    Love this post! Why the panic? Why the pitting of our kids against others? So frustrating. They all do it in their own time. I’ve yet to meet an adult who hasn’t nailed it! 😉

  22. Great post. Too many people have an opinion on things when it has bugger all to do with them. I tried potty training my eldest when she was just over 2 and she didn’t have a clue and was just piddling everywhere resulting in me just getting narky with constantly mopping up wee. I left it a few more months by which point she’d grasped when she needed the toilet and we skipped the potty pretty much straight away and she used the toilet with no accidents. Night time took a lot longer but we got there. So long as they’re dry by the time they start school I can’t really see what it matters! No point stressing them and you out when they’re just not ready! #stayclassymama

  23. I agree, every child is different and you should just go with the flow, so to speak. Training them too early and before they are ready can be harmful too #staylcassymama

  24. rhian226 says:

    So much pressure on potty training! My MIL went on and on about my nephew potty training (who is NOTHING TO DO WITH HER – not even the same family). My daughter has taken an interest and is mostly potty trained before her 2nd birthday. It goes to show that all children are different and everyone else should just butt out!! #StayClassyMama

  25. Thank you for writing this. My son is 3 in 2 months and I’ve been trying to potty train over the last few months with varying success. He’s just gone into his 2nd year of pre-school and many of his peers are trained, it bothers me sometimes. I’m so pleased I read this because I know it will happen eventually. And bollocks to everyone else. #stayclassy

  26. beautiesandthebibs says:

    This is so refreshing to hear . I think sometime people push there children to do it too early . Like you say it’s best to wait till
    He is showing signs and is ready ! #stayclassymama

  27. Faithsmam says:

    Lovely to be in a position to have a choice as to when to potty train, but be prepared to be called in to the primary school if s/he fills her pants as has happened more than once at our school. Unless it’s a medical condition, no nappies to be worn in Reception class and TAs will only change wet pants, not fouled

  28. I completely agree with you. My son was 3 yrs 3 months when he decided he was ready for big boy pants. We had a potty at home and told him what it was for and then let it happen naturally when he was ready. We had one accident and that was it – dry days and nights within a couple of days without any stress or worry.

  29. Yes to this. Mine has just turned three and we have had attempts but she’s not ready yet. While I’m calm about it, people around me seem to be worried. If she’s still not potty trained by 15, then I’ll worry! Great post.

  30. Brilliant post. My daughter is three years and three months old. She finally cracked weeing in her potty in a day this week. I know that she was the last of all her friends. But we had tried earlier and it was a disaster. As you say, you know your child and you know what is right for them. Hugs Lucy xxxx

  31. I couldn’t agree with you more, and thank you for sharing your views. It’s amazing how many opinionated momma’s out there share there judgements so willy-nilly. Bravo in considering both physical and mental health of you little one. M’wah! <3

  32. I love this! My son is tall for his age and I was so sure people would see the top of his nappy sticking out the top of his jeans. He will be 4 in a months’ time and we only trained him in March so 3.5 years old. I’m glad we waited until he was fully ready as it only took us about a week for him to be dry day and night! It’s no one else’s business.

    1. Poppy says:

      Im so glad i read this! My daughter was 3 in march and still in nappies. We’ve tried using the potty but it stresses her out so have left it. I have 5 girls, youngest 2 are twins age 2. No way im starting beforw they are ready either. Would be a nightmare!

  33. For my girls to keep their place at the school nursery they had to be toilet trained by the time they started….For my youngest she started nursery a few days after her 3rd birthday. She wasn’t ready to be toilet trained but had to be so was pushed into it. She struggled but got there in the end….

  34. Totally agree. My son was just over three, took to it no problem cos he was ready. But this is just another way to beat each other up and make ourselves feel better by comparing ourselves with others. Boo to that.

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