The Dark Days Are Over

The first three months of your newborn baby’s life are   a really exciting and magical time   actually pretty dark and depressing. I know its meant to be all lovely and cute and full of bunny baby grows and fucking cotton balls. But actually, in my experience it’s not. In my experience it’s a bit shit really.

I’m only now, just re-surfacing from my newborn baby enforced imprisonment. Niamh turns 4 months next week and I honestly feel like Andy Dufresne in the Shawshank Redemption. You know the guy who spent twenty years chiseling away at his cell wall and then waded through sewer pipes full of human excrement just to get out.

Yep, getting through those first few months with a newborn feels just like that.

The thing is, and I don’t mean to sound like such a terrible mother – but the thing is I don’t really like babies. I’m not a fan of babies, mine, yours or anyone’s. They just don’t do anything do they? Apart from cry and sleep and feed and scream for fucking hours on end. They don’t even have the decency to acknowledge you, even though you are half killing yourself trying to keep them alive. They just look straight through you, like you are a bloody amoeba or something.

I swear, for the first two months with Niamh, I could have been anyone and she wouldn’t have noticed.  She didn’t know who I was, she didn’t care either as long as she was getting whatever it was her two second whim demanded in that very moment.

The thing is, and I don’t mean to sound like such a terrible mother – but the thing is I don’t really like babies.

Honestly the first three months are the worst. Sorry but they are. There’s just milk and sick everywhere and all over you. You live in a rotating cycle of five pairs of pyjamas and the only peace you get is the eight minutes you grab to have a bath when your husband gets home from work – before your four year old appears in the doorway to begin his nightly poo. That’s just how it is and there is no magic cure. There is nothing that you can buy on the internet at 3am that will make it all better. Believe me. It is what it is and all you can do is survive it.

Although having said that, I must add that I am a great believer in white noise. White fucking noise people! Sometimes it was the only thing that would shut her up and calm her down. I don’t know why. I don’t care why. If you have a newborn and you haven’t tried it then do – here is Niamh’s particular favourite. I have listened to this for literally hours and hours…

Anyway, the point is that the first three months are brutal – they are the darkest days. But now at nearly four months, I can see the signs of progress – that she is smiling and holding up her head. That she is reacting to other people and things going on around her. We have had the first hints of a laugh and I’m dying to hear the actual full thing. Finley had the best baby belly laugh I’d ever heard, so fingers crossed hers is just as hilarious. It won’t be long before these dark months are a distant memory.

The dark days are over and the good times are coming! Now let me just check whats in store, ah yes – the fourth month sleep regression, teething, routine setting, weaning, crawling and chewing everything we own…. Sounds like a piece of cake 😉

 

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10 Comments

  1. The first thee months are a blur to be honest, I think with the lack of sleep and everything changing on a whim, I think you really start getting into a stride at 3 months! Thanks for linking up to #fortheloveofBLOG

  2. I love this! Everyone always says “enjoy every moment, it goes so fast”. It’s true it does, but it’s perfectly OK not to enjoy it! #bloggersbest

  3. Yes, let’s be TOTALLY honest, those newborn days are just survival! It hit me pretty hard with my first, that I could no longer waltz off to primark without a care in the world, costa in hand without ten tonne of crap and three hours prep. I would describe the first three months as a fog…that did eventually lift, but with a shadow of the former self in place of me. Happy days though ha ha!
    Thanks for linking to #coolmumclub

  4. I am so pleased you wrote this I found those first few months of the baby days so hard and that gif really sums it up! Thanks for being so honest and saying what so many others are scared of saying. And for linking up with #coolmumclub! xoxo

  5. It’s the lack of sleep I struggled through with each of my three, it never got any easier with each child! We’re now at a stage where they mostly all sleep for a good 10 hours but it’s a shock to the system when they don’t! #BloggerClubUK

  6. This goes to show how different everyone or maybe it’s hindsight talking but I would easily do those first 3 months over and over again than the additional 10 months of no sleep that I had. I love the baby stage but my other half loves the “baby is actually giving me some meaningful feedback” phase. Here’s to a wonderful babyhood journey for you – whatever it holds 🙂 #BloggerClubUK

  7. This is such a fab post and totally agree. The first few months are boring. All the baby does is sleep, cry, puke and poo and you don’t really get much back. Once that passes and you start to sleep again too, and they start smiling, laughing and you can interact it all becomes more fun. A great honest post! #bloggersbest x

  8. Those early days can definitely be a challenge and often pass by in a blur, given that you’re hardly sleeping or even leaving the house. But yes, it DOES get better – there are new challenges ahead but they’re nothing like those first few months. #fortheloveofblog

  9. hahaha I found this with my first baby for sure but second time around I wasn’t as fussed. I wanted to enjoy the teeny days, as I didn’t with the eldest. This meant I was very lazy and watched telly and snuggled a lot. Now I ask myself, should I do it again??? Here’s to 4 months hun and enjoy. Thanks for sharing with #bloggersbest xx

  10. Hi Sarah, loved this! I’ve never liked children much either and could never understand those Mums who swoop in to wipe the snot of someone else’s child’s face when I could barely wipe my own child’s nose. My first born was a nightmare, for reasons that we now understand, but at the time I lived in my PJ’s, rarely left the house, had very little positive support and thought I was the worst Mum in the world… Luckily my second baby was totally different and so much easier!… I hope the baby years get better for you and the reward for all your Mummy dedication is for your daughter to have a joyful and infectious laugh… Babies do have upsides too, it’s just not easy to see when you’re stuck in the middle.

    Thank you for linking up with the #MMBC.

    xx

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