The Motherhood

Belonging To The Motherhood

If you’d asked me ten years ago if I ever wanted to be a Mother, the answer would have been an instant and decisive ‘NO’. It just wasn’t my thing, it wasn’t on my radar – I had bigger fish to fry. I had a belt of GCSE’s behind me and was half way through my A-Levels,  I was going to do something actually important.

I’d go as far as to say that I was an ‘Anti-Mum’, you know the kind I mean. The ones who are too cool, too busy for all that nonsense. The kind that dismiss you in their minds, at a single glance just because  at that exact moment you happen to have a screaming toddler on your hip and baked beans on your boob. Never mind anything else about you, never mind you’ve travelled the world, can speak fluent Hungarian and have a degree in Metaphysics. Never mind all that, to them you are just another ‘Mum’ and they are far too intelligent for all that Mumsy stuff.

I don’t think that perception has changed much in a decade. It’s weird how being a Mum is really uncool. Like you suddenly got dumb, tedious and completely un-fuckable, just because you had a baby. Like whatever you were doing in the ‘before time’ has to end or stop and you must transcend seamlessly into your new Mumsy self. Put on your pinny and start baking cheese scones. It’s the hangover from generations past. It’s also women of today not fully understanding their value and the power they can wield. Not appreciating the importance of the role of the Mother and that you can successfully be both, or one or the other.

Trouble is, we need to catch up because this perception of Motherhood is rapidly evolving. There are Mothers out there doing incredible things, their own things, running businesses and building empires. Breast pumping in the City and in the toilets between lectures – balancing family and work life like fucking juggling masters. Proving Monday after Monday that if you want to, you can do both – you can be both.

Then there are the Mothers who stay at home and spend every day, all day with their children, but they aren’t fucking Mumsy either. They are great educators, masters of diplomacy and gurus of tolerance. Ninja’s, if you will. You can’t raise kind, thoughtful, spirited kids if you aren’t any of these things yourself. It’s bloody hard work being everything for someone else, it takes an iron will and the patience of a Saint. It’s not easy, it’s not necessarily the easier choice.

Belonging to the Motherhood is not what I perceived it to be when I was younger. It’s not all cupcakes and finger painting and endlessly debating sleep patterns. It’s not all play groups and coffee and obsessing about baby poo. That’s just a stereotype, a snap judgement made by people who don’t know. It’s actually something really amazing, something really challenging that has to be worked at and fought on everyday. Its something that will bring out the best in you and teach you things about yourself that you never knew. Look around you at the Mothers that you actually know, is that really all they are doing? Have they really abandoned the women they were before, have they suddenly changed and become all Mumsy?

No. No they haven’t.

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25 Comments

  1. I LOVE this article. I want to share it with all my childless friends. Motherhood has left me feeling a bit invisible at times. Almost less of a person. It’s great to demonstrate that is NOT the case. Xx

  2. Ok but seriously! 80’s mom jeans always made me laugh when I was a teenager and now I see they are coming back in with the natural waist pants and I do find myself thinking they are so cute! Maybe it is because they don’t have the puffiness.

  3. It’s so complex the whole motherhood thing isn’t it – when you dig into it? None of us really know what it’s like before we do it . Otherwise we wouldn’t do it . Seriously . It’s so bloody hard. Also, why isn’t there such a thing as ‘dadsy’ ? And why don’t men experience the same crisis of identity that women do ? Eh, eh??!

  4. Morgan Prince says:

    Fantastic, and so true. I was much the same in my teenage years. The thought of becoming a mum was horrible, I wouldn’t even entertain it. I think it’s brilliant that things are changing. 🙂
    Thanks for linking to #PoCoLo

  5. I’ve been with my kids so much days in – days out – all day long and sometimes I feel like be judged at as I can not have a proper adult conversation with normal adults, without mentioning my kids. Sometimes, I feel like I have been place in the 50’s stereotype – it makes me sad when the world is a little outdated. Great post.

    Thank you for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost Sarah. 🙂 x

  6. I think there is a lot on the 50’s stereotype of a mum, indeed and as a housewife. But it’s very outdated! Except the poo. I talk about poo a lot more than I ever thought I would……

  7. I always knew I wanted to be a Mum but not as early as I was. I feel like Im finding myself again recently, remembering the dreams that I had pre kids. I wouldn’t say Im mumsy, well I hope I’m not I’m much more of a Ninja. Loving the Stepford wives image. Thanks for linking to #PickNMix

  8. The Mum Project says:

    Oh man, I couldn’t have said it better myself. Absolutely agree. Being a Mum is actually the exact opposite of what I thought it would be, and I too was “Anti-Mum” in a way. But now, I think I am more hardcore and cool as a Mum than I ever was as an “Anti-Mum”. ; ) The perception of generations past, as you’ve said, lingers but once you’re in it you realise it’s completely wrong. Love your blog! Thanks for sharing with #StayClassy!

  9. Motherhood is something beautiful and well as you said evolving into something bigger and better and hopefully will be accepted for what it is in any facet more! Lovely read as always you! #pocolo

  10. min1980 says:

    I have to admit, I do feel as though I have become a bit “mumsy” since I had Piglet, but I mean that in a good way. I spent many, many years generally carousing about, being a girl about town, and for a considerable portion of that time I was some combination of drunk, bitchy, immature or just generally objectionable! Now I am much happier and, I think, a nicer person as a result. I guess what I mean is that I am an improved version of the woman I was before! Thanks for linking up to #StayClassy

  11. Great post. And yes, motherhood has changed massively. I agree that you can have it all, but as a full time working single mum, I’d say that having it all can be damn hard sometimes. Hard but good. Out of our greatest challenges come our greatest achievements right? Pen x #FabFridayPost

  12. I was a working mom with my first child and then dropped down to part time before eventually staying home with my second. Juggling everything is impossible, and I have no idea how my mom (a working mom) did it. I also have no idea how the stay-at-home moms of the past did it. Lots of wine before noon, maybe?!? Love this post! Cheers to the ninja mommies!

  13. This is a great post. The stereotypical mother doesn’t exist anymore, we’re all pushing out of that box and demanding to be perceived as more than just a mom. #brilliantblogposts. A great read😊

  14. I remember when I was younger telling my mum I’d never be a stay-at-home-mum like HER. Heaven forbid, no! Why would I spend all those years studying just to pack in work in exchange for snotty kids? No babies for me thank you.

    Of course I’ve gone on to have two babies of my own and my mum’s not around for me to admit I deserved a slap. After baby no. 1 I did go back to work full-time and I was so pleased to use my brain. But now I’m on mat leave again awaiting the imminent arrival of baby no. 2, I realise how much I’ve missed out on in my daughter’s development.

    Having experienced both the stay at home and full time working mum version of ‘The Motherhood’, I’ve come to realise that, for me, it’s all about balance and I’m lucky enough I have a choice, which my mum never really did. That, and making sure I never buy a Cath Kidson pinny in the hope they’ll miraculously stop me burning the cheese scones.

  15. I’ve never heard anyone say being a mum is uncool, i just don’t think people realise how precious that time is until after their kids leave home

  16. Before I met my husband 8 years ago I didn’t wnt to become mum at all. Babies were not just my thing! Now I am a mother to a nearly 11 week old. I will be heading back to work after maternity leave to not only earn money but also so that it gives me a break and allows me to be me. love the post! xx

    #PoCoLo

  17. mrshall2b says:

    As a child/ teen I always wanted to be a mum, I admire my mum so much. Now I’ve 3 of my own I’d love a job too to be more me rather than just mum. I’ve ended up very mumsy & its not as great as I expected…

  18. LOVE this post, such a great point and well made, motherhood has changed dramatically, having spent the first year being all mumsy and being the finger painting messy play kind of mum it was a definite change when having my second. I started a blog become more confident in my own company and ability as a mum and literally have just started a business.
    It takes a lot to juggle it all and feel like you are a doing a good job in all aspects of life as a mum but we can pick and choose what we want from motherhood and the stereotypical ‘mum’ is no longer what it was.

    Thanks for sharing #fabfridaypost

  19. Hilarious! I loved this post. I had a career for 15 years and have been a mother for 17, 13 of those not working and I have learnt so much in those years at home, but still find myself reminding people, especially my children that there was a life with a sharp business brain that came before.

  20. Very well said. My Twitter description is ‘wife, mother, freelance journalist & blogger. Not necessarily in that order’ because I am all those things – sometimes I am one more than the others, sometimes I am two more than the others, or sometimes I’m doing all three at the same time! #effitfriday

  21. YES! This is awesome. Love the way you write, and you are spot on; we are so many things but being a mother is not boring and doesn’t kill our brains or creativity. We become more when we have children, not less. #StayClassy

  22. Haha I love your writing style, had me in giggles and then doing bizarre half salutes at you. Ps I didnt get the memo about mum’s being able to make cheese scones..buggeration…I am totally stepfording it up and wearing a Ascot style hat to Lidl’s tomorrow. Think this is a very powerful post and it makes me feel good about myself as a person and a mum. Totally a ninja….#Stayclassy

  23. Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Not particularly articulate, but …) I love, love, LOVE the choice of a still from Stepford Wives as your hero picture.

    1. I LOVE that you know what this pic is from! Xxx

  24. This is a great post, and you’re absolutely right, things have changed massively. Although being a Mummy is the main part of me and what I do, being a Mummy isn’t ALL that I am, I am so much more than that and I think it is important to remember that at times. Thanks for sharing, #MMWBH

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